Moving forward together is the least expensive, least stressful, fastest path to a divorce.
Many couples come to the decision together in therapy or on their own. Being on the same page, makes working together on a divorce easiest.
It only takes one to end a marriage. If only you want the divorce, being patient while the other gets to a place they can cooperate is worth the wait. Everyone has their own struggle in adjusting to challenges. Giving your spouse the time to work through their struggle increases the likelihood of your successfully being able to work together on the divorce. You can get an idea about how they will approach this challenge by looking at their past challenges and how they adjusted.
If when you read “be…patient,” you thought, “I will not wait indefinitely.” It took a long time to get to the place you are. It takes commitment and determination to move forward. Do not wait until you no longer have the patience needed to work on getting cooperation.
Think about getting from where you are to cooperation as a process. The process begins with bringing divorce up. This will get your spouse working on adjusting to the change. Do not try to talk them into it. That rarely works. They may ask why. There is rarely and answer that is satisfactory. It is better just to say “I’m sorry. I know this is not what you want.” Give them the space to figure it out for themselves. Give them time to think about it, if they need it. When the time has passed bring it up again. Be specific in terms of a time frame. If your spouse is normal, they will hope you will change your mind or deny this is happening. They may feel that their life is out of control. Not many people tolerate that very well. It is important that you be predictable and persistent. When the time has passed and you bring it up again, you are being persistent making it harder for them to deny and avoid. Every time you do this, you become predictable.
So you’ve brought divorce up without apparent progress a few times and you are running out of patience. Let them know that they seem to be telling you that working together on the divorce is not possible and you need help. Your preference is to work together, not spend a lot of money, to not have someone telling “us” what to do, so if they decide they will help to let you know. That you will be meeting with a lawyer to begin the court process. When the meeting is scheduled let them know when and with whom. After the meeting let them know you went and what the lawyer said. Giving them accurate information as you go and following through with what you say you will do,they will be able to count on what you say. This makes you a reliable stabilizing force.
If you would like to talk through your process, call us today: 303-225-1806